Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding.- Mahatma Gandhi
Hello my friends
So Once again I am back to spark controversy and conversation. I recently read an article on Yahoo Shine! about a Father who disowned his daughter because she kicked out her homosexual son. Here is the body of the letter:
I’m disappointed in you as a daughter. You’re correct that we have a “shame in the family”, but mistaken about what it is. Kicking Chad out of your home simply because he told you he was gay is the real “abomination” here. A parent disowning her child is what goes “against nature.” The only intelligent thing I heard you saying in all this was that “you didn’t raise your son to be gay.” Of course you didn’t. He was born this way and didn’t choose it any more than he being left-handed. You however, have made a choice of being hurtful, narrow-minded and backward. So, while we are in the business of disowning our children, I think I’ll take this moment to say goodbye to you. I now have a fabulous (as the gays put it) grandson to raise, and I don’t have time for heart-less B-word of a daughter. If you find your heart, give us a call.
(we now pause for absorption)
Firstly, This letter is the ultimate form of hypocrisy. An obviously intolerant father disowns his daughter for being intolerant? Make no mistake, he is intolerant. He cannot accept the fact that his daughter cannot accept that her son is gay. I wonder where she might have learned such intolerant behaviour? As parents, teaching our kids tolerance is crucial in this day in age, but when this father was raising this daughter, I wonder if tolerance was as important. We all know that there was a time when intolerance to those who were “different” was the norm.
Admittedly, I feel that what this mother has done is wrong. As parents we can, and will have expectations for our children. Some might even have designs on what they feel the child’s sexual orientation should be, or what they hope it to be. Is that wrong? No, but they have to understand that it with the hope for for the parent. The parent cannot control sexual preference. They can force their will until a certain point, but ultimately each person chooses who they love.
As parents, we should never have reason to disown our children. We may not always agree, or be OK with what they do, but communication and understanding should be the resolution, not rash action. Our children are extensions of us. Yes they may develop their own views and thoughts, but we help to develop how they develop these.
The father who wrote the note should talk to his daughter, not summarily disown her based on her actions. In my mind he is no better than she is. Maybe even worse. He is chastising and judging her on intolerance that he potentially created in her by his own actions. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and he is not truly defending his grandson’s right to acceptance.
And it truly is about acceptance, not tolerance. We should accept people for who they are. We shouldn’t “tolerate” them, we should enjoy them.
Bottom line, we need to love our children. Unconditionally. Whether they are gay, straight, blue, yellow, orange, a hippy, a grunger, a thug, whatever they are.
Peace Out Peeps!